Darren

There’s so much that I could write. So many thoughts since that phone call. My life has changed. It’s darker now. I’m sat at home now with a Birra Moretti. The plans to come will change me further. The darkest plans I’ve had yet. I will keep thinking “how are you gone?” I will torture myself over losing you. I will forever be pained by your last moments. I will always think of your smile. Life right now is different. I’ve felt depressed before but now I feel different. I don’t want to watch TV, I don’t want my usual day. All I can think about is you. I think of Christmas. You won’t ever be around for Christmas. How? It’s you. It’s clever, rational you. But now you’re gone and you’ve left your body behind. I keep hoping for an afterlife of some sort so that you can see the amount of love that so many people have for you. I’ve written here for 10 years knowing you were my audience. The days to come are somehow going to be harder than the days we’ve endured so far. There’s frustration and confusion and overwhelming sadness but above all I love you. We didn’t show it really. Not in a long time. But I did. Your opinion was the most valued for me.