Recently I wrote about taking a gap year from my counselling studies which was a difficult decision that I didn’t need to make. Shortly after deciding to take a break I received a letter that knocked me. I have been kicked off the course… which doesn’t seem bad if I was taking a year out but they kicked me off before a piece of work could be marked and I lost a transcript in my Gmail account that took me hours to write, on top of that I’m not able to do my placement hours. A bit screwed really. It means that I might have to retake the whole bastard year. A nightmare. I’ve been feeling low for about a month now, like my future that I desperately wanted is gone. It’s not gone, I know that but it felt that way. It took so much effort to get where I am and I passed everything, that’s not why I lost my place on the course. I lost it because the fees are too high and I’m unable to work without paying a fortune on nursery fees, cancelling out the point of working. That doesn’t mean I’d rather sit on my ass and do nothing, I want to work but then I won’t get to see my children much and despite how limited-minded I used to be about mothers (or fathers) who stayed at home, I want to be around to raise my kids, I would miss them too much.
So I got a bottle of Pimms. I sulked, I cried, I felt depressed. Even through this I was still trying to claw my way to a better life. Even if it takes another decade from now I’m going to have financial stability and independence. I will not rely on anyone for money. For now, not so much but later on I will have that. I applied for a job at Aldi and I’ve got an assessment soon, I’ve spoken to Relate and I might be able to train with them once I get clinical hours. Yesterday the placement that I secured almost a year ago have offered me a place on their bereavement course starting in September and said that after completing that they’d like me to still work with them, which I accepted. It’s unpaid but it’ll be helpful for my future, counselling career or not and if Relate allow it I might do their courses, I might even eventually study their course on Psychosexual Therapy because I imagine there’s good money in it (no shame in that). We’ll see what they say about my placement. It’s odd because they want their students to hold a level 4 qualification and mine is level 6 but without clinical hours. I haven’t given up on Keele yet but I’m always looking at other options. I even went as far to enquire about massage courses again and then I realised my issue is I need (yes need) a qualification, not just a decent paid job, I need the security of a good qualification.
Last thing is my Youtube channel, I’ve thought of loads of ideas, some days I send myself 5+ ideas via email. Today my Birthday gifts that I chose are arriving from Amazon, including a Tascam recorder with in-built mic. I’ve done my research about mics and I think this one will be a good one. I’ve also learnt that it’s important to record audio separately to the video which I probably should already have realised. I probably won’t upload until the end of August because I need a couple more props and I need to sort out editing software which might not be easy with the two laptops that I have. I’m not after fame, I’d enjoy some appreciation of my creations but mostly I’m doing it for personal enjoyment. I’m already enjoying myself just writing down endless ideas. I’ve decided not to open today’s new arrivals until my Birthday unless there is another storm which is meant to be on Tuesday. I’d like to record the sounds, I was disappointed that I couldn’t record the recent storm, it sounded amazing, even though it was keeping me awake. I’m also intending to create other kinds of videos, an apocalypse video which I think I’ve already briefly mentioned.
Okay, that’s all for now, good day!