Brief Journaling

Today I’ve bought multi-vitamins and powder to add to juice that contains vitamins, I’ve also bought orange juice and a single serving bottle of multi-vitamin juice. I’ve been feeling unwell for over 2 months. It started as the flu. I found it really difficult to take care of my kids. Unfortunately being a parent doesn’t include sick-breaks, I don’t know how I got through it. Since then I’ve felt generally unwell and exhausted. I still have common cold symptoms and around 2 weeks ago I started to get headaches everyday. I’ve been taking painkillers for 2 weeks also. Headaches aren’t normal for me, especially not daily headaches. I wake up to one everyday. I also can’t taste or smell fully. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’ve already Googled “tumour” like a dramatic son-of-a-bitch. It got me thinking though, we could get ill at any point. It could start off by feeling run-down, by your immune system not coping, by getting headaches. My 80 years of life isn’t guaranteed. I might have just a year left, or maybe 5. That shit is terrifying. I can’t bear the thought of knowing I’m terminally ill and just trying to continue with my life, and trying to somehow fit in. How do you have a conversation with a person who is terminally ill? I remember this experience with my mom’s ex boyfriend who passed away. We met up with him twice during the short time that he had left. I didn’t know what to say to him, I couldn’t think of anything appropriate. I imagine that it’s impossible to belong in this world for a lot of people. And tragically lonely. My current essay is on coping with loss so maybe that’s playing on my mind a little.

I have an actual plan to leave the house without the children, be out in public and drink a few beers soon! This is huge for me, the only time I ever go out is to uni. It’s so important to still have a life as a parent but aside from uni, which is only ever stressful, I’ve got nothing. I’m trying to pay attention to that; I’m much more than just a parent. I believe in being absolutely devoted to my kids and still wanting my own life. Both things should exist together and I’m going to try to go out occasionally.

I really ought to get working on my essay now. I really ought to write something moderately interesting soon too…

3 thoughts on “Brief Journaling

    1. Thank you. You’re welcome to join me and mom on this outing, it’s a beer and gin festival this weekend 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: