I know I’ll get shit for writing on here because it’s deemed as unacceptable but who else can I talk to?
I started my new job recently and I’m now being slated for it by my mom. She thinks I’m a bad mother for putting my daughter into nursery. Eva loves nursery and I got this job so that I could pay for my uni fees which would benefit Eva in the long run. I’ve recently been told that the second and third years are not funded. I can’t pay for the course but I’m desperate to have a career. Today I have applied for a Professional and Career Development Loan knowing how slim my chances are of being granted it. It’s worth a try. I don’t know how to let go of having this career.
My ex and I don’t get on at all but I’m stuck here. His answer to me questioning his billion, crazy lies is to say ‘What about you and Will?’. He deflects every time. I’m open about my wrong-doings and I have valid reasons for them. My head is battered after two years with him. I can’t think straight and I have no where to live. My hope is dwindling. I don’t know how you can ruin someone like this and then avoid telling the truth even further. He tells me that he’s bored of my shit. He doesn’t realise how much it’s destroyed me. I don’t know how to get out or how to survive on the money that I’ll be getting from my job. I have no support. I’m stuck here losing my mind. Even if I get this loan I can’t afford to move out and I can’t afford to get by. I hugely regret this relationship. It’s bought me nothing but pain and now I’m stuck. I wish so badly that I could go back in time and walk away from what started out as a head fuck anyway. It’s a joke that he throws the Will thing at me because he was dating someone else. He was up to fuck knows what. Then it turns out that he was telling his mate that he was in love with her. I have to move out but how? I’m sat in a real heap of shit. My head is fucked. I can’t hold on much longer.
I need to find a way out.