Goodbyes, Sentiment, My Baby and Potential Career

Isn’t it funny, the things that you can grieve over? Today I sold my cat Arthur with great regret that I had to. I feel hugely sad when I think about him which is quite silly considering how lovely the lady was. It was her mother who contacted me initially and I felt instantly at ease. Anyway her daughter has just collected him and now there is just Willow left who is also being advertised on Pets4homes. One of my main reasons for selling is that I don’t have the time for them right now, it was absolutely the best thing for him. It would be selfish to keep a cat who needs more love. He also had (and this is the nice way of putting it) a delicate stomach and when he became stressed that became worse. I won’t disgust any readers, I’ll just say that I need my home to be clean.

Goodbye Teddy, I hope you live a long and happy life in your new home.


With the money I recieved for him I’m going to buy Eva a Charlie Bear tomorrow which will be for her first Birthday (8 months away, I know). I’m getting her bear tomorrow from Hadleigh, they have a room full of these bears in the back. This will be one of her main gifts and it’ll be something she’ll appreciate when she’s much older. They’re not toys, they’re collectable items. The plan is to buy her one for her first few Birthdays, maybe 5 or 6. One day she’ll be able to sell her collection if she chooses to, maybe (hopefully) keeping her favourite. Mike wants to buy her a bear up until the age of 18 but that’s a lot of bears… One of the bears that I have my eye on is £125 which is a dusty pink and cream, it’s panda-ish looking. Another bear is £145, it’s my favourite colour, emerald green and this bear has a more traditional bear face. Eva is going to be absolutely spoilt on her first Birthday. I’m going to buy her a stack of various books. She’ll have a day out and a little party too.  She’ll be taken for a photography session on the day for the cliche cupcake smash photo! I’m excited and it’s not even close to her Birthday. Starting with her second Birthday we’re going to take her to a big toy store and she’ll be allowed to pick one big present. That will be our little tradition.

A couple of weeks ago we attended a taster swimming session with Water Babies at Walton. Tomorrow is our first lesson with them and I can’t wait. I might have to switch to a different pool after two terms though because I think uni is on a Tuesday. Eva is booked in for her underwater photoshoot in May. It’s going to be so worth the £224, the photo will go up on the wall.

I feel like I’m learning such a lot lately. I’m learning not to care what people think of me, when I’m out I don’t care if people think I look like an idiot trying to entertain my baby. Of course I still care about people’s thoughts of me in some ways. I’d like to be successful. I’d like to be thought of as kind and approachable etc which will bring me onto my next subject. But still on this one for now, I’m so sentimental and maternal! The endless photos, the keyring on my keys with Eva’s photo inside, the magnetic photo frame on my fridge with her photo in, the photo of her on my fire place. Not just photos, the memory box I will have filled by the end of the year containing scan photos, clothes, shoes, hospital tags, letters, cards, one day I’ll add her favourite stuffed animal to it.

Today I had a phonecall with a course tutor from Keele about the counselling course I applied for, I had various questions to ask. She told me about the qualification and about the course content and I’m really excited about it. The course starts with a weekend residential. In the first year students are recorded counselling each other and given feedback, no doubt I’ll get a “Kayleigh, you were perfect” as the course leader shakes my hand, eyes gleaming with admiration, and handing me a masters certificate with a wink. Joke of course (!!). Before knowing much about counselling I believe a lot lies with the person. I guess you have to use the right expression, mostly blank I would imagine, along with the right tone and the right words and the right clothing. I think everything counts and I love that, the attention to detail. In the second year the students find work placements so they can practice counselling. In the optional third year students can work on their dissertations and work towards a masters degree. It’s very hands-on which I love. I’m all about the hands being…on… Yeah, you know what I mean.


My baby has really found her voice lately, she’s taken to happy little screams or yells. I will capture it on video this week. Quite the little shouter. It’s very cute.

I finished reading The Gift last Thursday and immediately purchased Before I Let You In. I’m really glad to be getting a lot of reading done.The latter is partially about counselling sessions too and both are my favourite, psychological thrillers.

I keep having vague ideas for what could be a long and provocative post about various awful things that happened to people and perspectives but right now they’re evading me. I will make notes and hopefully work on something worthwhile. I have this thought sometimes that so many things are happening behind the scenes. You could come across an angry bus driver for example who just doesn’t have time for a teenager’s shitty attitude, the bus driver could lose their temper and cause people to look up with concern. Who knows what has happened to the bus driver though, maybe his wife left him for Alan at her work that very morning. Alan, you utter asshole, you sat with said bus driver drunkenly yammering about how great a guy he is at her work’s Christmas-do! There was something off about you and the way in which Sarah shot glances your way when you flirted with the waitress and the goodbye! There was something intense about it. Sarah brushed of his worry with “Alan? Really? Oh he’s just a money-greedy moron, we barely speak at work”. Not only has his wife left but he now can’t afford to pay the mortgage on his crappy wage and now some shitty, arrogant 16 year old prick is calling him all the names under the sun because he declined his old bus ticket. To an outsider the bus driver is the bad guy though. My point is we don’t see circumstances, we don’t see the rest of people’s problems. We just see the asshole projecting negativity onto the world.


Anyway back to Before I let You In 🙂

I miss you already, Arthur-Teddy 😦



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