A Fictional, Wooden Commodity

“Holy crap. What the hell is he doing here, looking all outdoorsy with his tousled hair and his cream chunky-knit sweater, jeans, and walking boots?”

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel…or something”

Familiar? I took these from a best-selling novel. A set of 3 I believe but I could be wrong there. They’re all being made into films. One more:

“Double crap-me and my two left feet! I am on my hands and knees in the doorway to Mr. Grey’s office, and gentle hands are around me, helping me to stand. I am so embarrassed, damn my clumsiness. I have to steel myself to glance up. Holy cow-he’s so young”

Yes, this is the work of E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey. A few years back, though refusing to buy a copy I got the sample on my phone to see what all the fuss was about. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon along with many bored wives who long to be desired by a wealthy, mysterious man, I was appalled by the writing. My personal opinion is that the writting is very wooden and unrealistic. Our thoughts can be very disjointed at times, they can be weird and wonderful but I didn’t believe in Anastasia’s thoughts. They instantly seemed written, I didn’t have a chance to settle into her world because I was far too aware that someone had written those awful lines.

I understand why women like the books, this is their fantasy and that’s fine. I have a fantasy too and that is to be a successful published writer with my own little rock bar (though we often have jazz and blues musicians and singers) and another business that I’ve not decided on yet. In this fantasy I have the freedom to do what I want. I can work at the rock bar one evening  and be writing by the fire in my gorgeous home the following night.

I’m a dedicated dreamer.

I have got the sample back on my phone for motivation. It does bother me that E.L. James is so successful with this glorified pornography. Rich, mysterious, gorgeous man (the fantasy) meets an ordinary, clumsy girl (the reader) and he falls unexpectantly (to the fictional character) in love with her. This love is so powerful, beautiful and seductive. The contrasting couple meets a problem, problem is the end of the world…problem is solved. They lived happily ever after. It’s been done before and met with the same crazed fans. The Twilight saga, same concept of boy meets girl. So really, all I need to do is put my own twist on the story, write it without too much effort and I’ll be filthy rich. The moral of this is write about everyone’s mutual fantasy and have a happy life flitting to and from your beach house and your house by the lake.

I have a certain degree of respect for E.L. James, they’re successful for a reason even if it’s not to my taste. Maybe others enjoy the standard and style of writing. I respect that they created a world that millions enjoy. I once wrote that people need an escape from reality and they need a reason to come back.

I have also just picked up Stephen King, On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft. I bought and read a majority of it years ago. I don’t know loads about Stephen King because I’m not interested in celebrities but I guess I can’t deny that I’m not curious about his life. To me writing is magical. You don’t need to have 15 amazing friends, you don’t need a degree or an NVQ, you don’t need to be an extrovert or to be an amazing wife. You need your own thoughts, you can think up anything in the world. I wrote a very short story yesterday, I was making a hot chocolate and this black, American fellow came to me. He ran an American diner in London. The little story was simply about how the older generation feels about modern society and also how you never know what a person is going through. Anyway I’m starting over with his Stephen King book, it was a really interesting read and I suppose you should listen to the words of a man who has sold billions of novels- he impresses me.

Whilst I’m waiting for labour I have been working on my own fictional writing that doesn’t have a name yet. It’s very early days and I haven’t decided on the major plot yet, perhaps I should have that all figured out now, I don’t know. I do have an idea of what will happen I’m just not sold on it yet. That’s keeping me occupied but I’m yet to feel any connection to my characters, which got me wondering; do great writers have a connection to their own stories and their characters? Maybe that will come in time.

I’m going to get another hot drink and go back to the book. I’ll hopefully take a photo of the bump later, it’s my due date today so I have very little chance to take one.

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