I had all these thoughts about what to write before I opened up a blank page on my app, now I’m racking my brain trying to figure out where to start.
This is a life blog. More current than overall. Christ, no one needs to delve into my past, not even me. I leave it in a locked room somewhere, the door is unlabelled so I don’t get tempted to open it.
I’m currently stuck at work. What a strange life I’m currently living. I work all week on credit notes and checking that debit notes can be credited, which can involve several reports and contacting people for more paper work. It’s a bit of a puzzle, we have a request for a refund and we have to obtain proof that it’s legitimate. I’m out from 7.15am, I check and type and check. I work mostly in silence, barely bothering with those around me. I don’t know why, I think I don’t want to build relationships because I’m not staying here for long. I do my job and I take home more money than I’ve ever got, not that it’s an impressive amount. Money, it doesn’t go anywhere sometimes. Of course that’s what we say when we just want more of it. I get through hundreds and can’t see where it’s gone sometimes. I’m not reckless, it’s all put to good use but my bank account is a mere pit stop before it’s directed away again. I’ve become quite an organised person and I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been organised. I enjoy to make weekly plans for my money. I look ahead at the weeks and months to come to figure out what needs to be done. I seem to spend a considerable amount of time chasing personal online orders. I sent an email out recently expressing my disappointment in a company’s poor communication and failure to perform efficiently. I was angry over a pair of wellies. I’m a woman with principles and I expect what I pay for. The company took my money and pissed me off. It’s too boring to go into but I didn’t get my red wellies. Which leads me to another thing I’ve come to learn about myself, I’m interested in business. Well, I knew this anyway but it’s part of who I am, it’s the way I think. I’m always noting good and bad business. I went into Peugeot recently to talk about exchanging my car. As soon as I left I had noticed many issues with how things were handled. I’d love to own a small business. It’s one of my dreams. I’ve fallen in love with a little shop in Oxford called Scriptum, they sell mostly stationery, only quills not ball-point pens and quality paper, stationery sets, ink bottles, leather bound photo books, novels, face masks and various pretty trinkets. This shop is crammed with various items and it’s beautiful. I bought my unborn baby a hot air balloon to hang in her bedroom (shown in the image below- taken by myself in March). I initially wanted the red and white one but it won’t go with the colour paint we’ve bought so we got the rainbow one. They have a lovely spherical clock that I want and a hot air balloon photo album for my baby’s photo album. Scriptum is a little glimpse of the past, of the beautiful ways and items lost in the modern world.
I want to go back to times when communications were hand written and posted out. I want there to be a use for beautiful quality paper. I want to dip a quill into my expensive, unusual ink bottle and write my words out to those that I care about. If you’re viewing the image from a desktop rather than a mobile phone you might be able to make out some of the books they sell and the clock I mentioned. I’ll be going back to Oxford in July/August and I will revisit Scriptum, this time I’ll take Mike, I’ve told him how much I love the little shop.
I’m 23 weeks pregnant now and it’s strange to have a human growing inside me. A person I’ve created. It’s weird not knowing her, not knowing what kind of person she’ll be. It’s weird buying things for her and caring about her. I had this image earlier of us painting when she’s small. She’s holding out a chubby hand covered in paint and looking at me as if waiting for guidance. It’s not quite settled in that she might be a miniature version of me. I feel like I don’t know who ‘me’ is sometimes, like my life has never been settled long enough for me to find out. I’m hoping she’ll find happiness in stories. I want her to have an excellent imagination. I want her to enjoy the outdoors. We’ve already decided that we’re going to take her camping all over England. When she’s a couple of months old we’re hopefully taking her to Inverness in Scotland for a family holiday. It’ll be cold but she’ll have her elephant snow suit on. It’s apparently beautiful there and I’ve wanted to go to Scotland for ages. We have decided on a theme for her bedroom, it’s stars, hot air balloons and animals. It’ll be adorable. I took this photo yesterday of my bump – 23 weeks.
I’ve literally just had a thought so i’m placing it here for some further… thought. I’d like to learn to play a wooden flute. I watch ASMR (relaxation) videos and I’m realising as I’m writing this, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before, one guy that I’m subscribed to on Youtube starts a video with rain sounds and he’s playing a wooden flute; it’s blissful. I’ve always wanted to play an instrument but it’s costly and it requires a hell of a lot of work; good memory, coordination and general effort. Maybe I’ll learn or just maybe this will never materialise.
I think I have gotten the urge to write out of my system, it never takes much. I’ll hopefully be writing a post about animal cruelty soon. I’ve been so busy and tired that I’ve not got round to doing my research for the blog yet.