Live Outwardly

I don’t see the point in living in the past but occasionally I still visit some old times. Sometimes all it takes is a song to ignite a life that we once lived. It’s so strange how many people we come across  in our life and then what remains. We go to school throughout our childhood. We often go to college or 6th form following that. Some of us go to university and some of us get a job. There are so many people and memories. Some people are lucky enough to maintain childhood friendships. Unfortunately for me I have only kept one. I honestly couldn’t say what happened with the rest. I wasn’t one of those people who made strong friendships as a child. I gladly lost the school friends that I had. They didn’t fit. When I got to college, however, I had a bunch of friends, I was part of a group. I kinda got known as the useless one, in a jokey-not-entirely-jokey-way. It was a fair observation of me. I didn’t care all too much about anything. I liked messy nights with my classmates. I loved the house parties; I endulged in too many drinks at each one. It didn’t matter too much that I was an immature idiot. I was young and carefree. Most importantly I was part of a group. If I’m honest I miss college. I miss my friends. I miss the silly plans to get drunk somewhere. I miss the Facebook group conversations.

It’s no ones fault that we’re not talking anymore. Three people in the group have had children. Two of my friends broke up, so I lost one through that. Some went to uni. Some I didn’t like very much.

All of that was six years ago now and I’m not going to lie, it’s a shame we didn’t remain friends.

On the contrary to that is all the people we crossed paths with and if we gave it any thought we would wish we hadn’t. Pointless encounters. Short-lived acquaintances. Even those that seemed important at the time. They’re all forgotten. It all means nothing now.

I don’t think it’s ever worth it to regret anything. Of course, in a way, it is worth it. We all make mistakes, right? We’ve all hurt someone at some point. More often than not we’re constantly seeking happiness. Happiness can be found in many places. Short-term it can be found at the bottom of a bottle. Long-term it might take a person who you can connect with. A person who shines brighter than the rest. Such a person can change our lives. Or it might take a fresh start, a new job, a new place. A new person. You know? Out with the old, in with the new. Something snaps. Something has to give. Then you’re anew. Life isn’t what it was a few months ago. You don’t recognise yourself anymore. Happiness. To a certain extent we’re all very selfish. How much do we really care about the future? 

They say a cat has 9 lives. Emotionally, humans have the same. Maybe some people only use up a few, those people are lucky.

Some people have to start over a bunch of times before things fit or merely settle enough.

Life is strange.

I’m not entirely sure what my point is but there is a point here somewhere.

It’s wise to live outwardly, not in. It could sound fancier. What I mean is, live your life, don’t live inside your head. There are too many dark paths there that lead to dead ends.

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