This is just going to be brief, and most likely it will lack in objectivity.
But here goes some thoughts…
Life is all back to normal starting tomorrow after the Christmas-sort-of-break. By sort of I mean I still had to work at those brutal hours. And by break I mean my break from uni, alas uni is back and probably with a vengeance too. I want to get a few things that are bugging me out there… out where? Who knows, I guess I’m just expelling thoughts in order to feel a little better having thought them. I’m not entirely happy at uni. I think this is because I don’t like where it is, I study at NULC and I’m not at all fond of the area and I don’t want to befriend anyone on my course. To be honest going there makes me feel a little lonely. I don’t fully understand my reluctance but I think it’s partly the location, the people and also I think I’m going to miss working. Right now uni doesn’t feel normal or familiar. It has a foreign feel that I dislike. Sometimes I want nothing more than to get place with Mike and work full-time, maybe back in admin. I feel guilty wanting this. I just need to move past it and throw myself into uni, I need to go in tomorrow enforcing positivity. I feel like I’m massively holding back, like I’m waiting for something. A very unknown something.
I can’t have everything. I really do want a career in Psychology, I’m just impatient. I’m feeling down about not being able to work and live for the weekends. I feel useless not earning and I feel a little lost. What can I do though? Give up and end up working some crappy job forever? That’s not me. I have another ambition but I can’t see that happening unless I completely dedicate myself to it, even then there are no guarantees…
Also I don’t want to be at my job right now, I want something better, something where I can make great friends too. I can’t make friends very easily where I work because of the nature of my role. Now Christmas is over I just see the job as an annoyance. I might look for some part-time admin work soon. It’s also problematic when trying to make plans with Mike as I can’t do weekends and he can’t do weekdays, so he’s going to have to book time off and I’ll have to miss uni in order to go to London for a couple of days and our mini-holiday etc.
Lastly, a more positive thought, though it comes with a problem of its own. We’re thinking about moving out of Staffordshire, which is really exciting. The problem and question is where? and how far?
I’m off to Morrison’s now to buy stir fry ingredients. Maybe the walk will snap me out of this whining, disatisfied mood.