This month is going to possibly be the worst month of the year. Since Friday I have been trying to decide what to do for the best. Stay at my nan’s, stay at my mom’s, quit my job. I dislike all three. Wouldn’t it be nice if ‘Which flat should I go for?’ was included? Certainly. But that would make life too easy. If there is such a thing as past lives I must have been a real twat.
All work. Literally. No playing around. I’m going to live to work in March. Doesn’t sound so terrible but it is. No drinks with friends to take my mind off my problems. No meals out or going to the cinema. Just getting up at 5am, three buses to work, eight hours of work then three buses back, shower, food, bed. Repeat.
Another decision I have had to make quickly is whether I should put my driving test off. It makes sense to but that only prolongs my unhappiness. I’m still going to book it, which means I’m not going to have a penny left in a couple of weeks. But I’m fighting for what I want. Some might wonder why driving is so damn important to me. It’s important because when you have several buses to catch and you’re tired you decide not to miss one of those buses for your food shopping, you decide to get the bus and go without food. Then the next day I will pay more for food because I’ll buy a ready made sandwich. I do that most days. Another reason it’s important is because when I really want to get out and see someone, it’s difficult to do that. Sometimes it’s 2-3 buses and one of the routes is hourly. Then you have the same problem to get back ‘home’. Lastly, the traveling to work can be a nightmare and after doing it for so long it’s kinda soul-destroying. Everyone else simply hops in their nice, warm cars and is on their way home. I have to wait in the cold like a twat. Then after that some more waiting for another bus. Then from there I have to walk. I’ve had enough. I want my freedom!
I know I probably won’t pass first time and when that day comes it will inevitably hit me hard, the disappointment and frustration will be tough. But I have to try. It gives me something to look forward to. If I put it off I’m not working towards something better, I’m staying the same.
I’m still undecided on my job. I love my job and my colleagues are great but it ties me to Penkridge. Also it’s not enough money. It’s going to be a tough decision. It’s been the only constant in my life so far. I’m attached to my job for that. It’s the one thing that I have going for me. There are pros and cons and I will have to take great care with my decision.
I’m not going to get overly concerned with these thoughts. This is temporary. Everything bad always gets better.